Lacey Luzzi: Sauced: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 4) Read online

  LACEY LUZZI: SAUCED

  Copyright: Gina LaManna

  ISBN: XXXX

  Published: June 30th, 2015

  Kindle Edition

  The right of Gina LaManna to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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  Synopsis

  Lacey Luzzi is all sorts of starred, striped, and spangled as she returns in Sauced, reunited with Meg, Clay, and Anthony just in time for the Fourth of July!

  Unfortunately, the rapidly approaching holiday means Lacey can no longer ignore the Luzzi Family Festivities – a picnic held every year on Independence Day. Filled to bursting with limoncello, ice cream cake, and illegal Mexican fireworks – the event promises to be an utter nightmare.

  Even worse? Lacey’s inevitable birthday.

  Just when things are looking as if they can’t possibly go any more downhill, Carlos delivers a birthday present Lacey is not expecting: a bomb.

  Rumor has it that someone around town has been importing materials to build a massive incendiary device, promising the Twin Cities one heck of a fireworks show – and not in a good way. Carlos instructs Lacey to work side by side with Anthony – a man who suddenly seems filled with secrets – to save the day.

  As the humidity rises outside, the heat is on Lacey to locate the bomb and disassemble it before her hometown receives a fireworks display it won’t forget.

  If she can’t find the explosives, there’s a good chance Lacey might not make it to thirty.

  Acknowledgements:

  TO MY READERS! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Lacey would not exist without you!

  ** **

  To my Big Pinecone! For making me happy every day.

  And for the best birthday present ever, on the Fourth of July. я тебя люблю!

  To Mom— for sending me so many boxes. They mean so much to me!

  To Dad— for getting ahold of the best fireworks in town.

  To Meg & Kristi— You’re the best sisters a girl could ask for.

  To Gillian, Megan and Sherry— As always, thank you for your fantastic editing.

  To Barb and Dianne— thank you for being my first readers. Your friendship means the world!

  To Joy & Asheley & Monique— sisters from other misters!

  To Sprinkles On Top Studios, my awesome cover designer.

  Photo Courtesy of Deposit Photos

  To Stacie, Kelly, Sue and Calluna—you’re my absolute favorite beaches.

  To Katie, Emily, Nicole, Shelly, Rissa, Nikki, Julie and Molly, for being my friends!

  And last but not least, to all my family and friends, thanks for making me laugh.

  Chapter 1

  “When do you think he’s gonna do it?” Meg asked. My sometimes overbearing best friend reached across the exam table and poked my arm. “Don’t play dumb – you know what I’m talking about. When’s he gonna ask you to date his sexy buns?”

  “Is now the time to have this discussion?” I hissed.

  I glanced around the small room tucked far, far away in a nearly abandoned wing of Carlos’s estate. Though a miniscule box, the room was a state of the art doctor’s office containing all sorts of medical necessities: a tray with an array of needles and vaccines, boxes of gloves, and racks of towels. Sitting on the examination table, I glanced first at Meg, then at the doctor, who was clearly listening to every word we spoke.

  Meg shrugged, nodding at the doctor. “He doesn’t care.”

  Dr. Gambino reached a hand down my hospital gown and squeezed my ladies. “Oh, I don’t mind,” he said. “I love girl talk.”

  I grunted.

  “Speaking of girls – yours feel great,” he said, gesturing to my chest. The stethoscope swung around the doctor’s skinny neck, his hair gelled so thoroughly it was sturdy as a motorcycle helmet.

  “If only you were straight,” I said.

  “Oh, believe me,” Dr. Gambino groaned. “Nora says the same thing every time she comes in here. Honey, she has tried to set me up with you more times than I can count.”

  Meg barked a laugh. “And as a doctor, he can probably count pretty dang high with all those years of school.”

  The doctor shot a concerned glance at Meg, and I could see him wondering just how high she could count. I knew Meg well, and the only thing she cared enough to count was the number of drinks she consumed in any given evening. I also knew from years of experience that her counting started to get a bit fuzzy when she hit the number twelve, but I was too distracted to comment. I didn’t like going to the doctor. I wouldn’t have even been there if Nora didn’t require all members of the Family to get a yearly checkup. Or else no paychecks.

  “I swear, Nora faked a case of polio a week ago just for an opportunity to pitch why I should take you to dinner.” The well-manicured doctor wrinkled his nose, mimicking my grandmother’s girly voice as he spoke. “But Dr. Gambino, dear, just listen to me. You’re Italian, you’re a doctor, and you’re a nice, clean man – so hygienic. Just give Lacey a try…as a favor to me.”

  “Cheese Louise,” I said. “I didn’t know you’d turned her down so many times. Am I really that bad? It’s just dinner.”

  “It’s not just you,” Dr. Gambino assured me. “It’s all ladies. Plus, I know you. You’d only be going with me because you wanted a free dinner.”

  I didn’t argue.

  “I bet I could turn you into liking girls,” Meg blurted out from the corner of the office.

  “Why is she here, anyway?” my doctor asked. Dr. Gambino worked for the Family, at Nora’s insistence. How she’d convinced Carlos he was the best choice…

  I shrugged. “Meg? She wasn’t invited.”

  Meg hadn’t been invited into the private examination room, but that wasn’t enough to stop her from joining me. When the girl had stuff to talk about, she was gonna talk.

  “Lacey’s private business is my private business,” Meg said.

  “That’s not true,” I jutted in. “She’s just my ride home to the apartment. And my private business is private—”

  Dr. Gambino cleared his throat. “What are your plans for the Fourth of July?”

  I appreciated the change in subject, but my happiness faded quickly as Meg spoke.

  “I’m planning Lacey’s birthday party,” Meg said. “Wanna come?”

  “I’m not having a party,” I said.

  “Ooh, I love parties,
” Dr. Gambino said excitedly. “What’s the theme?”

  Meg shrugged. “Haven’t thought that far ahead. But this party is gonna be a real big one; a doozy of a party. Save the date, Dr. Gambino.”

  “Why the big party?” he asked.

  I sighed. “Since Meg so kindly brought up my private business…it’s my birthday on July 3rd and Meg doesn’t believe in small parties.”

  “I gathered that much about your birthday,” the doctor said, gesturing towards his chart, which clearly spelled my date of birth out at the top of the form. “Is this a special year?”

  “Well, ever since I found the Luzzi Family, I’ve been dating someone—” I said.

  “Blake,” Meg contributed.

  I glared at her. “And Blake and I recently broke up. Normally, I spend my birthday and the holiday with him. We’d go on a weekend getaway, just the two of us.”

  “Yeah, cause Lace hates parties,” Meg said. “She avoids them like the plague.”

  “Which is why you shouldn’t throw me one,” I said. Turning to Dr. Gambino, who was preparing something very evil-looking over on a tray in the corner of the room, I continued. “This is the first year I’ve been single on my birthday, which means I have no plans. So, Meg wants to throw me a party with the Family.”

  “What about the Independence Day barbecue?” Dr. Gambino asked. “Why don’t you combine your birthday with that? It’s quite an event.”

  “I don’t want quite an event,” I griped. “That’s the point.”

  “The barbecue is a gathering you do not want to miss,” Dr. Gambino said. “I went last year and the food, the fireworks, the drinks…it was just to die for.”

  “You got an invite?” Meg asked with a frown. “Mine musta gotten lost. Why’d you get an invite?”

  “I work for the Luzzi Family,” Dr. Gambino said, with a disbelieving stare. “That’s why.”

  “How’d you get this job, anyway?” Meg asked. “I love the Luzzis and all, but Carlos…he’s not exactly.…Well, you know.”

  “Friendly toward my type?” Dr. Gambino smiled. “Well, that’s true. I won’t lie; he needed a bit of convincing.”

  “There’s only one person on earth who can convince him,” I said, having wondered the same thing since the day I’d met the doctor. I, however, didn’t voice everything on my mind, unlike Meg. “Nora?”

  Dr. Gambino grinned. “Of course it’s because of Nora. Your grandmother did her research, and really, it’s a simple solution. I’m the best.” He spread his arms wide, his mouth stretched from one cheek to another. “You can’t argue with the best. Nora is adamant Carlos receives the absolute top notch medical treatment available to mankind. One thing led to another, and after a while Carlos learned to deal with our differences. In fact, I like to think we’re almost friends.”

  Meg barked laughter. “That’s funny. I didn’t think Carlos could be friends with a rock.”

  I disagreed, mostly because I believed that Carlos would adore being friends with a rock – it wouldn’t talk back, make a fuss, or complain.

  “How did he enjoy yoga, by the way?” Dr. Gambino asked with a smirk.

  “You prescribed it?” I asked. “You almost gave him an aneurism.”

  “Ira Bliss, the instructor, is part of my wheatgrass club. He ran the class as a favor to me,” Dr. Gambino said. “I wish I’d been there to see it.”

  “You put all of us through hours of misery,” I said. “Carlos had steam coming out of his head for a week.”

  “That’ll teach him to comment on my hairstyle again,” the doctor said with a huff. “My hair is distinguished, not flamboyant.”

  Meg eyed his hair. “I dunno…”

  The doctor glared at her.

  Meg raised her hands in submission. “Hey, I liked yoga. Don’t lash out at me, I’m just being honest. It ain’t in my nature to lie.”

  Dr. Gambino approached me with a needle. “This will sting.”

  “No!” I cried out. “No shots, please.”

  “‘Cept at my bar,” Meg said. “Shotz. That’s the name.”

  I closed my eyes as the needle pinched my skin. “Oww! Cripes.”

  “Just think of Anthony’s butt,” Meg said.

  “Anthony…Anthony?” Dr. Gambino turned to Meg, the needle still in my arm.

  “Uh, excuse me?” I gestured toward the waving tip. “This hurts.”

  “Anthony,” Meg confirmed.

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm,” Dr. Gambino said. “I wish I could examine him.”

  “Ouch!” I hissed, yanking the needle out myself. “You can’t forget about me in the middle of a shot!” Meg and Dr. Gambino shared the intense look of two people who have just discovered that they have something in common.

  “It’s impossible to fight the charm,” Meg said. “I forget everything when Anthony’s around.”

  “His gluteus maximus…” Dr. Gambino said longingly.

  “Did you know he wants to date Lacey?” Meg asked, leaning in with a conspiratorial whisper.

  “Lucky gal,” the doctor said. “Lacey, let me get your weight and then you’re good to go. I’ll give you a few extra of these…what with your new romance.” Dr. Gambino tossed several foil-wrapped condoms across the room, scattering them across the examination table.

  I scrunched my nose.

  Meg however, leaned over and scooped them all up. “I can find a use for these.”

  ** **

  After a quick stop by the dreaded scale, it was determined that I was, in fact, not morbidly obese. With instructions to exercise more, eat less sugar, and consume only three alcoholic drinks per day, Meg and I were turned loose.

  “So,” she said, “You wanna go grab some donuts and a drink?”

  “I deserve them,” I said darkly. “But I can’t. Carlos has something for me.”

  “I’m guessing it’s not a present?” Meg asked.

  I shook my head. “He called this morning with a new assignment.”

  “The day before your birthday, and two days before the fourth of July? That’s just mean.” She crossed her arms. “Want me to have a word with him?”

  I sighed, and shook my head. “I’m in no position to say no to any extra money. Plus, I don’t think he even knows it’s my birthday. I always just told the family that I was out of town for the Fourth of July. Not to mention the fact that I don’t have plans for the weekend and I could use the distraction. Before you start, it’s too late in the game to plan a party, so just let it go.”

  “Well, then. I’ll just have to let him know about your special day.”

  “No, you won’t,” I said in a warning tone. “I need this gig – the money, at least.”

  “True. I can’t keep giving you rides everywhere. I can’t afford the gas money,” Meg said.

  “I gave you fifty dollars just last night for a three-mile ride home from your bar.” I gave her a raised eyebrow.

  Meg shrugged. “Back pay.”

  “How about I buy you three donuts and a coffee this afternoon?” I bartered.

  “You just want donuts and coffee, and you don’t wanna give me extra gas money for going out of the way.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” I hedged. “You’re too smart sometimes.”

  “That’s why they fired me from being a cop,” Meg said.

  “Really.” I didn’t quite believe it. The rumors went more along the lines of abuse of power, or something like that. Whatever the technical term was for “she punched a suspected criminal in the face for calling her fat.” And Meg wasn’t fat. She was husky. Big-boned. Lots o’ woman (her words, not mine). But not fat.

  “Well, if you don’t want me to say anything to Carlos, then I’m gonna get to the bar,” Meg said.

  “I’ll call you later. And no party!” I called after her.

  “Don’t worry,” she said, “You won’t remember the party, anyway. The hardest part is showing up, Lacey!”

  Shaking my head at her twisted use of motivational quotes, I turned do
wn the hallway towards the Grand Entryway. I made my way down through the mansion and caught a brief glimpse of myself in the mirror. With average brown hair, eyes that pass for brown, green, or hazel depending on their mood, and a butt that fits (most days) into medium-sized, plain cotton underwear without giving me a wedgie, I was okay looking. At least I didn’t consider myself to be a terrible catch when it came to the whole dating thing, despite my grandmother’s disappointment in my lack of a wedding ring.

  In my defense, things like my life, dating, and relationships in general were a teensy bit more difficult to pull off due to my relations with the mob. Long lost granddaughter to the Don of the St. Paul Italian Mafia, I’d accepted a job with the Family a few years back.

  My other options had consisted of stripping at TANGO or trying out to professionally compete in spelling bee competitions. Since the latter didn’t pay well and the former gave me a concussion, I didn’t feel I’d had much of a choice. Plus, it wasn’t a lie when I said I needed money. My car had so many warning lights blinking on its dashboard that it could rival a Fourth of July fireworks display.

  Speaking of fireworks, the Fourth of July was rapidly approaching. As I’d told both the doctor and Meg, I’d spent the holiday and my birthday away from the family for the past few years – ever since I found them. I’d always been dating Blake, and he’d been taking me up to his cabin. Things were different this year.

  I pushed away thoughts of my recent breakup and focused on winding my way through Carlos’s fortress – a building with enough protection to defend itself in the event of World War III, located in the charming suburban outskirts of St. Paul. Maybe, just maybe, an assignment would help take my mind off of the loneliness I was sure to feel during the upcoming holiday. Straightening my shoulders and heading into the kitchen, I told myself that it was a good thing my grandfather hadn’t remembered my birthday. It was a good thing he was going to work me to my bones on my special day. It was – oh, what was the use?

  I wasn’t looking forward to working on my birthday.

  I turned the corner and was pulled from my thoughts by the grinning face of the tall, handsome butler named Harold.